


Us

by meesherbeans



Series: You Make Me Feel Human [21]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Romance, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 19:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3146450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meesherbeans/pseuds/meesherbeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard and Kaidan finally find some time to have a heart-to-heart. One shot Shenko, head canon interpretation of the Apollo's conversation. Rated T for language and vague allusions to adult situations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Us

Shepard groaned and leaned against the elevator wall. As if things couldn't get even more bizarre – she helped cure the genophage, for crying out loud – now there was a Prothean on the ship. A _Prothean._ Liara was probably running laps around her room or something. He certainly wasn't what they were…expecting, but what could they _really_ expect? At least the new crew trusted her enough to ease up on those regulations. 'Assume hostility' is probably not the best way to introduce yourself to a new species. Old species? New? Whatever.

The elevator slid open and she happily dragged herself into the room, locking the door. That trip to Eden Prime was exhausting; it was all those mini-beacon signal things. While the cipher was definitely still intact in her mind, utilizing it repeatedly and so often had drained her energy. There were probably nightmares awaiting Shepard once sleep overtook her, but at the moment nightmares were an acceptable trade off. Anything to just _rest_.

"Shepard, if I may?"

She paused mid-ripping her uniform off. The AI had seen her naked countless times – gotta love security cameras – but now that EDI was unshackled, it seemed…too weird. "Uh, what is it, EDI?"

The voice rang through her room's speakers. "I have taken stock of our supplies and we are running low after this number of jumps without returning to the Citadel. The dextro-amino foods in particular are almost entirely gone."

Well, damn. She'd have to tease Garrus about eating so much. Looked like it was time to make a pit stop. She could use that time to check up on any Spectre leads; maybe Jondum Bau's friends had something for her. She was completely dry now that all known Cerberus activity was taken care of. Shepard sighed. "Thanks, EDI. Please tell Joker that's where we're going next. Also, if you could remind Liara to give Javik his space, I'd appreciate it. I need some sleep."

"Certainly, Shepard. Should I inform the crew you are not to be disturbed?"

"That…would be wonderful. Thanks."

"You are welcome. Logging you out."

Ahh. Blissful silence. She yanked off her clothes and left them where they fell. That bed had never looked so good. She quickly shuffled over to it, launching into the air and landing with a fluffy thud. The fact that the Alliance didn't get rid of this bed when they were doing the retrofitting was probably her favorite part. Good thing they were planning on it becoming Anderson's room; being an Admiral had its perks. She snuggled under the blanket and let out a small groan as muscles began to slowly unknit in her back, pain eventually giving way to relaxation.

A soft beep floated from under the covers. Shepard growled and pulled her left arm up, poking the omni-tool. EDI should have been getting all her messages…who would be sending her a private email? A few taps later, a single message popped up. Oh, from Kaidan.

Her stomach twisted at the mere thought of him sending her something. They had fallen back into their normal routine while on missions, but the last they had talked privately was after he found out about his father. Maybe he finally wanted to talk about that? She lightly pressed 'Open' and waited.

> _Hey, Shepard._  
>  _Things have been insane, haven't they? We clean out a bunch of Cerberus and then find a living Prothean! He's a little…severe. Well, only on the Normandy; I'll say that much. Listen, I don't know about you, but I could sure use a little breather. Next time we're on the Citadel, we should try Apollo's. It's that little restaurant in the courtyard overlooking the Presidium. I hear they have some good food and a great view._  
>  _Kaidan_

She couldn't help a small smile as she turned the omni-tool's alarms to silent; if anything serious happened on their way to the Citadel, EDI would definitely wake her up. So Kaidan wanted to get something to eat? Good. She was looking for an excuse to finally talk alone. A short message was sent back to him.

> _Actually, we're heading back to the Citadel right now to resupply. Meet you there an hour after docking.  
>  _ _\- K_

That last task out of the way, all she wanted to do was sleep.

So she did.

* * *

"Hi, I'm looking for Major Alenko?"

The asari waitress smiled widely and bowed her head. "Ah, Commander Shepard. Welcome! The Major is under the overhang." She motioned to the tables under cover. Shepard barely managed to hold back a look of concern; did he choose a shadowy place because of a migraine? "Should we be discreet?"

Shepard blinked widely for a moment, startled. _What_ _the…_

Blue eyes watched her, completely innocent. "You are both Spectres…" The hostess tilted her head and shot a curious, confused look. "I assume you are meeting to discuss business?"

Oh. _Oh._ She plastered a professional, suitably surprised smile on and nodded. "Ah. Yeah, we are. Sorry, didn't know that you accommodated this kind of stuff. Thank you."

"It is our pleasure, Spectre. I will inform your waiter; please, follow me."

The tailored pinstripe outfit the asari wore triggered a memory of that off-hand comment Kaidan made about Benezia back on Noveria. Shepard had to stifle a laugh as she followed. They wound around an asari-turian couple and their loud little blue baby. She always wondered how non-asari could handle their children being only asari, without even the slightest hint of their other parent's likeness showing. Nothing wrong with it, but she was always curious what they thought.

"Your waiter will be Janos. He will be with you shortly. Thank you, and enjoy." The asari bowed as Shepard plunked right down into her chair.

"Thanks." Kaidan gave her a friendly smile before gesturing to the datapad in front of him. "I didn't believe it when I heard, but what do you know: steak. I'm surprised this place can still get supplies for a menu like this."

Shepard grinned at him before perusing the menu, herself. Hmmm, they did indeed have steak…even onion rings. At first it seemed kind of silly to her to serve something like onion rings at a nice bistro, but then again it could be considered a good place for non-humans to go and 'experience human cuisine staples.' At a bare minimum, it was probably their bestselling meal, being pretty much the definition of Earth comfort food. They were a little far from Earth, though, and the supply chains were cut off; that didn't bode well for the quality of ingredients. "Maybe it's better if we don't ask how…or where…"

"Ha! Good point." They spent a few moments reading their menus. He laid his down and sat back, eyes scanning the view behind her. "Hey, I'm glad we're taking the time to do this. I could use a…sanity check."

She snickered and flipped to the drinks menu. "You can say that again: Protheans waking back up, curing genophages, saving the Citadel…again… Things have been pretty crazy."

"You know the crazy follows you like a lost puppy." When she looked up at the teasing remark, Kaidan crossed his arms and smirked. God damn him, he looked almost happy again. She'd forgotten what that looked like. It tugged at her heart.

_Get yourself under control._ Shepard shook her head and scrolled down the list to the mixed asari drinks. "Well, don't say _that._ You know I like dogs." Another quick, joking look in his direction, she noticed the growing grin. _Avert your eyes, Shepard._ She went back to reading the drinks.

"Yeah, you do."

Contented silence drifted between them as she tried to remember which asari fruit was the one that tasted like a cross between a pineapple and a grape. Hell if she could remember…well, the 'Sunlit Sangria' sounded mild enough. Just as she set her datapad down, Kaidan spoke up. Her eyes immediately snapped to his face at the inflection in his voice. He was biting the inside of his cheek.

"…You know, my life flashed before my eyes on Mars. And…there weren't enough moments like this." He paused. She was sure he heard her heart skip that beat. "With people I care about."

_Remember: a way out. Don't throw yourself at him yet._

Shepard took a deep breath and nodded, diverting her attention to the now-off datapad in front of her. "Mars was…not fun. How are you feeling?"

"Feeling up to whatever the Reapers throw at me. And grateful I convinced you to sit down for half a second and relax." He probably took the hint, that husky voice lightening a few notches. Thank god. It was hard to keep appearances up when he lowered his voice.

"I'm not that bad, am I?" She tried to play it up as a joke, looking up to see his response.

Kaidan had raised an eyebrow – she definitely regretted teaching him how to do that – and was giving her one of his amused looks. She had to stifle a snort of laughter.

"Okay, maybe I am. But…yeah, I think it's a good time for us to have a talk." Her finger casually pointed to his datapad. "What're ya drinkin'?"

"Trying to get me drunk beforehand, Commander?"

_Oh lord, don't flirt with me now._ She smirked and played along. "Maybe." Her hand turned up expectantly. "So…?"

His hands folded together on the table. "Shot of whiskey, and a good old Canadian lager. Think they have it?"

"Hah!" She gave the salarian waiter a public smile as he approached. "More likely to have Batarian shard wine."

"Greetings! I am Janos, and I will be your server today. Do you have any questions in regard to our menu?"

Shepard looked to Kaidan and they both shook their heads. "I don't believe so. I'm set if you are, Major."

"Yeah, I'm good. I'll have the steak sandwich, rare, and a TM88, neat."

Janos nodded and looked to her. Damn, what was the name of that drink again? Oh, yeah. Sunlit sangria. "I'll have a sunlight sangria and…ah, what the hell. Make that two sandwiches. No sauce on mine."

"Thank you both. Your drinks will be here shortly."

After the waiter walked off, she looked over to Kaidan with her public smile. "Any reason you picked a public place to unwind?"

He shrugged and motioned behind her. "Well, this is a pretty good view. Not as nice as my parent's place, but not much is better than home. Heh, drank more than a few beers on their balcony looking over English Bay." The mood turned somber; she imagined he was thinking of the same thing that she was: Earth being ravaged. "You know what, though? I feel good about our chances."

 "…Yeah?" That last thought surprised Shepard, to put it mildly. Their chances were shit and they both knew it.

Kaidan nodded and sat up. "Yeah. Lets me sleep better at night."

Something in his voice made her pause. He wouldn't actually…here…? She quietly watched his fingers twist together. "Not sleeping well?"

"Maybe a little restless." His hands lifted and hid themselves under the table; he was probably picking at his nails. It was a nervous habit she had teased him about back in the day. "The war isn't the only thing keeping me up at night." Kaidan paused and she could feel his eyes on her. He sounded almost hesitant. "I wonder about…us."

Her heart skipped another beat as she glanced back over and their eyes locked. Everything else melted away; all she could focus on was the worry, the hope reflected in his eyes. She could barely force herself to whisper it.

"Us."

Just repeating the word was enough to make her take a quiet, stabilizing breath. It held so much _weight_ to it. "Which…us?"

"You know." His jaw tightened, that muscle under his ear pushing against skin. While she had hoped that he hadn't been trying to let her down easy, it still blew her away that he really did still care.

She had to pause for a moment and find her voice. "Yeah…I do."

"Listen…" He sat straight, continuing to hold her gaze. "I love you. I always have, I'm always going to. I want to know that, looking back, I tried as hard as I could. Never gave up. I want to work this out, and I don't want to lose you again. When it comes to you, I don't have a way out. I don't _want_ one. Things…they aren't perfect right now, but I just need you to know that."

Shepard could barely think straight for a few moments, watching him with surprise. Her heart was in her throat. She managed to tear her eyes from his and focus back on her hands; they were twisting nervously. Kaidan was never a master of words, but rarely did he just spill his heart out like that. He was more likely to quietly say a few things that meant more than they appeared. Horizon was probably the closest he had come to it before, but Miranda's presence no doubt kept him from saying much.

Maybe it was the fact that she looked away, maybe it was the fact that they both were feeling vulnerable; either way, he sounded hurt. Cautious. "Well, that's what I want." A few moments passed, and she assumed he was waiting for her to respond. "…What do you want?"

What did she want? She wanted things to be normal. She wanted all of the drama and fighting to be _over._ Her hands clenched. She wasn't going to get that, and Shepard knew it. Sighing and leaning forward, forearms on the table, she took a shaky breath. "What I _want_ is for none of this to have happened in the first place. We were supposed to defeat the Reapers, retire, and run off together, not…get spaced, spend two years apart, and be unable to trust each other. Since I can't have that, I…"

She stopped herself short _. Wait. This is your chance. Don't blow it._ Her eyes were forced to meet his again, bright green quickly getting lost in his amber brown. The words just tumbled out, softly pleading. "I don't want to keep doing this alone. I can, but I don't want to. Kaidan…I love you. I never stopped, even through all of this. I'm tired of tip toeing around each other. Why are we being so stupid?"

Kaidan shook his head and leaned forward. Disappointment flickered when he didn't reach for her. "I'm the one who's an idiot. You've been nothing but honest with me, about everything. I just didn't want to believe it was real." He paused and looked down, guilty. "That you were real. I was afraid I'd wake up and it would just be another dream."

A dream, huh? If only! "Well, this is one big nightmare, but both it and I are real." She stretched her hand out a few inches toward him, palm up. "The only way you're waking up is if I do, too."

"Heh, yeah. Too much to hope that we'll wake up in your tiny apartment, I suppose." They both smiled sadly at the reminder of their time together after the battle with Sovereign. His hand carefully reached over, a few fingers brushing hers – tentative, just like his voice. The simple touch broke down the last of her defenses, an almost forgotten yet familiar heat flooding her body. "So…it sounds like we want the same thing."

"I…guess so. It's that easy, huh?"

Her breathless choice of words gave them both a reason to pause. Their eyes widened and she'd bet anything that they were both imagining the same memory: when they had swapped their tags on the original Normandy. His response to the question confirmed it.

"Only for you, Lia."

Things were going to hell in a handbasket and fast. The Reapers were taking over Earth, the other races were slowly being encroached upon, the Citadel and the Council were both nearly destroyed, and she was out of leads to fix it all. If there was one person in the galaxy who knew the stakes better than anyone, who understood just how nearly hopeless things were, it was her. Despite all that, the only thing she felt at that moment was relief. It was as if she had been wearing lead armor the whole time and someone finally let her know she should probably take it off. A weight she didn't know was there had lifted and for the first time in a year, the smile on her face was actually reflected in her eyes. Samara had called it redemption; that's sure as hell what it felt like, too.

Her fingers gently stroked his, thrills shooting down her spine. The crash of a glass being dropped in the kitchen suddenly jarred her out of the enchanted haze she was floating in. _You're in public, you idiot._ Shepard quickly withdrew her hand, pushing it under her other one.

"So, uh." She quickly scanned around the bistro, trying to gauge if anyone had caught them holding hands. "Hate to bring this up now, but…should we worry about fraternization? I am Alliance again." An idiotic thing to mention, but the amused glint in his eye told her that he was thinking the same thing.

Kaidan sat back in his chair, hands resting on his thighs. "I don't know. I mean, on one hand it seems like a silly thing to worry about at this point, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, kinda." She caught another patron of the restaurant looking at her; Shepard gave him her iciest look and he coughed before looking back down at his menu. She made a small mental note to watch him. "On the other hand, though, it might not be a bad idea to keep it quiet. We have a lot of people after us. I don't want you getting targeted because of me."

Exasperation mingled with his laugh. Now _that_ was a sound she used to hear a lot. She had missed it. "I can take care of myself, you know. You're not the only human Spectre anymore."

"I know, I know. You _can_ take care of yourself. But on top of that, the Normandy has an almost entirely new crew. If it was the old bunch, I wouldn't worry so much, but…"

It felt weird to speak ill of the Normandy's new-ish Alliance crew. They were good people, but she hadn't had the time to build up the same amount of rapport that she had with their original 'band of merry mutineers' (the name was Joker's idea). There was no reason to believe any of them _would_ care, much less any of the brass, but it would just be an unnecessary hassle if for some reason _they_ became a problem. They all had enough on their plates.

"Yeah." The muscles in her neck unknotted when he agreed. "Well, sneaking around while the galaxy's on the brink of destruction is what we do best, isn't it?"

A grin spread across her face; that was how he dealt with things, dry humor. "Yeah."

"After this is all over, we'll reevaluate."

She shook her head and gave him a frank look. Kaidan was always looking ahead and planning for the future...she just wanted to focus on winning the war. _Trying_ to win the war, anyway. "If there is an after."

"There will be. I promise." His confident smile threw her a bit off guard, but it gave her a small surge of strength, too. If she weren't so elated, it probably would have made her a little angry at just how _easily_ having his unconditional support made her feel like she could do anything. She was a strong person, but damned if having him there didn't make her all the stronger.

Shepard saw the salarian – Janos, that was his name – out of the corner of her eye and her voice switched back to a more professional tone. "I don't think you're qualified to promise that kind of thing, Alenko."

"That's never stopped _you_ before." Kaidan followed her lead, smiling politely at her instead of grinning idiotically like they both were a few seconds ago.

"I suppose not. Ah, thank you, Janos." She was placated when the drink placed in front of her was in a simple glass; none of that fancy crap. Just a drink in a cup. It sure _smelled_ good, though.

Kaidan looked quite pleased as his glass of TM88 was set in front of him, along with some ice water. "Thanks."

"Do either of you require anything at this time?" Wide salarian eyes inspected them both.

They both shook their heads. "Nope," Shepard assured him. "I think we're all set. Thank you."

A deferential nod of the head later, their waiter departed again. Kaidan sniffed the whiskey, but didn't partake yet. His earlier joke about getting drunk suddenly didn't seem so far off the mark – that was a strong drink, and they gave him a good three fingers' worth. "You know why he's being so stand offish?"

"Oh, he thinks we're here for a business meeting." She casually sipped her drink; ahh, refreshing. The alcohol was mild at best, the fruit tasted like really sweet apples, and it was nice and warm.

He blinked at her. "You told them that?"

"Uh… yeah? She asked, since we were both Spectres, if it was official business and if so, their staff would be discreet about bothering us. I figured it couldn't hurt, and was good cover."

The glass was relieved of a small sip of its whiskey. "You are too damn efficient, you know that? Alright, let's talk business, at least a little bit; so you won't be completely lying to them."

She grinned for a split second before toning it back down; Spectres didn't grin at each other like that. "Alright, Spectre Alenko. Let's talk business."

"I said it earlier, but I really do think we have a chance. If anyone can do it, it's you." His voice warmed as he added, "And I'll be with you every step of the way."

Well, that's not what she was expecting, but it was welcome nonetheless. The small butterflies in her stomach, so absent since her resurrection, fluttered about once more. After a quick glance around, she snuck her hand under the table and fumbled to grab his closest hand. "Thank you, Kaidan. That's exactly what I need."

"Plus we might need to work on that pre-battle preparation again. It was a pretty good luck charm before Ilos." He accompanied the smooth joke about their first night together with a completely monotone voice and soft stroke of his thumb against her hand.

Shepard reeled a bit from the delicate touch, catching her breath. Damn, he was good. She wouldn't cave that easily, though. The hand in question was pulled back and she held her drink with both hands as a red eyebrow barely quirked upward. "…That it was."

"Can't blame a guy for trying. It's been over two years!" He chuckled and went about enjoying his drink.

She shook her own head and took another warm glug of her asari concoction. They both had almost immediately fallen back into the routine of teasing each other. It was…comforting. Felt safe. Felt _right_. Her voice was schooled to utter neutrality as she quipped in return. "Who said I blamed you for anything? I'm just waiting for my food to get here."

"Alright, then." He raised his glass in a toast. "Here's to hoping it's real steak."

One snort of laughter managed to sneak its way out of her before she clamped down. _Remember, in public_. "Forget defeating the Reapers – _that's_ a long shot."

Their eyes met as the two glasses delicately clinked against one another. To others, they were merely toasting to their food; but to them, it was the start of a new chapter. One that would hopefully outweigh the pain and frustration of the past three years. There was far more to celebrate than steak sandwiches.

It did end up being a damn good sandwich, though.


End file.
